


Cheap Thrills

by Sharky_Smil3



Series: A Brief History of the Chthonic(...and the rest of the Pantheon) [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: <3, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I blame Reddit and my friends, M/M, Mentioned Senju Brothers, Mentioned Uchiha Mikoto, Mentioned Uchiha brothers, Mentioned Uzumaki Mito, Multi, Other, Platonic Namikaze Minato/Uzumaki Kushina, Team Minato are The Fates, they're bffs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 16:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8167781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharky_Smil3/pseuds/Sharky_Smil3
Summary: Mythological AU! Madara is tired of these near death experiences because the Ruler of the Underworld might have become enamored with him (and also Tobirama?) Did Madara also mention that the Ruler of the Underworld happens to be blond, with blue eyes, and has a very bitc- err, mean wife? OT3!!





	

**Author's Note:**

> :')

This is a new feeling, maybe is just one of those out-of-body experience, maybe is just one of those surreal dreams, maybe the lack of sleep was finally hick jacking his brain, or the insane amount of coffee he drinks…OR… it could be that he was waiting for the stop light to change to green so he could cross the street when suddenly a car went out of control and hit him with all the momentum it came with.

The _funny_ thing about this whole ordeal is that he could hear the doctors trying to save his life, but his spiritual energy is elsewhere, somewhere dark and cold, and he was just floating aimlessly in that darkness. He suddenly felt a new presence amidst the darkness, so distinctively sunny and cheery, very odd in contrast. Madara was about to turn in the direction of the new essence when everything went bright and he was opening his eyes to the real world.

“Doctor, he has opened his eyes,” informed a nurse who sported the standard white mask over her mouth and a white cap to match it, she shone a light over his right eye and then over his left eye. The whole room smelled of antiseptic and blood, he tried to take a deep breath but the attempt had him coughing.

“Please don’t overwork yourself, Mr. Uchiha, it is a miracle you are alive after an accident of that magnitude,” explained the doctor that approached him the moment he heard his coughing fit.

“W-what?” he asked in a hoarse voice.

“We shall explain as soon as you’re more stable, right now you’re too drugged with anesthesia. For now just rest Mr. Uchiha,” said the doctor as he checked over at the beeping monitors; Madara robotically nodded and felt his eyes close.

Just what was that feeling before he woke up?

Once again Madara awakened to the smell of alcohol and bright white lights, he blinked several times before adjusting to the brightness.

“Ah, you’re finally awake, Mr. Uchiha, how are you feeling?”

“I don’t know…” started Madara, licking his chapped lips, before continuing, “how would you feel if a moving car just came crashing against you?” finished Madara flatly, fixing the nurse with a stare. The nurse visibly tensed, before making a comment about him feeling much better so his family could already come in and see him, and without much hesitation she quickly exited the room.

Madara looked around the room, and down at his right hand where the pulse oximeter sandwiched his index finger, tubes and IV lines running wild past his bed and onto the hanging bags. He sighed in exasperation; he hates hospitals, its either they make you stay too long or they kick you out the moment they know you can stand on your feet to go to the restroom—regardless of the pain or the stitch pulling that goes on when doing that—or they make you stay an absurdly unnecessary amount of time in it. For Madara, it usually is that he wants to get out of there as soon as possible, he feels fine so the doctors should just take his word and let him out. Of course that they don’t and of course Izuna would also agree to let him stay.

 The only time Madara had stayed a night in the hospital had been when he was far younger, he had fallen down the stairs in Elementary school and broke his arm and ankle. Hashirama had freaked out the moment he saw him plummet down the stair case; he heard the tan-skin male scream for help and kneeled beside him. He could have also sworn that Hashirama looked ready to faint, and it didn’t come as a surprise to find his best friend on a bed, unconscious, next to his own bed, inside the ambulance that was taking them to the hospital. His parents had a fit the moment he was released from the hospital, and Hashirama’s mother was long suffering by her son’s antics. To say the least not a pleasant experience, but other than that time Madara never set a foot on any hospital unless he absolutely needed to, like now.

Madara was brought back from his musings by the sound of the door opening. Before he could even attempt to speak he was being held in a bone crushing (and quite literally for him) embrace.

“I-Izuna…it hurts! It hurts!”

“Ah, ah! Sorry, sorry. Goodness niisan, I was so worried. I came here as soon as I got the call from the police. What happened? How did you end up like this? Are you okay? What’s broken?” Madara closed his eyes and waited a few moments for his little brother to finish with the endless questioning.

“Niisan?”

“Are you done?”

“Madara! I am worried about you, I thought you might die!” Madara reached with his hand to touch Izuna’s cheek.

“I’m fine now little brother, don’t worry,” he said and gave Izuna a small smile. Izuna deadpanned, and reached with his hand to put pressure against his ribcage which had him crying out in pain and surprise.

“You’re fine huh?”

“Izuna!”

“Damn it niisan, just let me take care of you!”

“I’ll be fine, I’m alive, and when can I get out of this hospital?”

“Oh no, no, you’re not getting out anytime soon until the doctor says so! And if you attempt to escape I will personally drag you back here,” said Izuna holding Madara’s heated gaze. A nurse peeked in through the door and asked the brothers to keep their voice to down, which earned her the heated glares from both males (and much to their dismay she frowned, glared back, and stepped in to chide them for a good ten minutes before she was called back for assistance).

Madara closed his eyes and sighed through his nose, the annoying constricting feeling of his ribcage making itself known, he opened his eyes to meet Izuna’s.

“I’m fine, okay? Still sore but that’s to be expected when a car comes crushing towards you,” said Madara simply as if he were talking about an everyday occurrence.

“What!?”

“Shhh!!!”

“Don’t _shhh_ me! Niisan, how are you even alive?” asked Izuna with wide eyes in disbelief.

“A bad penny always turns up, Izuna. And keep it down, we can hear you both from down the hallway,” said Tobirama as he walked into the room followed by his brother.

“Madara!” cried out Hashirama before rushing to the younger’s side, he was about to hug the living soul out of Madara but was innately stopped by Izuna.

“How are you? I heard you made one of the nurses cry,” said Tobirama, crossing his arms and raising an elegant brow at the Uchiha in bed. Madara snorted in response, and rolled his eyes.

“I’m good, never been better, it’s comfy here and I just love the many tubes and IV lines attached to my right hand. Really great,” came Madara’s snide reply. Which earned him a scowl from his lover; thankfully Hashirama broke whatever argument was starting to brood between both males.

“Madara, you have to look to both sides before you cross the street, and you have to be kind to the nurses they’re just doing their job,” said Hashirama, cheerily as he stepped back to get a better look of his friend.

“Don’t insinuate I can’t cross the street properly.”

“I never said that.”

“You thought about it.”

“Maybe, but that’s not important. I have managed to get you out by tonight!” At that Madara looked at Hashirama with the most grateful expression he could ever give Hashirama. He takes back every bad thing he has ever said to the tan skin male, even if he’s an idiot and too overprotective he knows that he can always count on him. Hashirama couldn’t possibly let him stay here to suffer when he knows he hates it here.

“But, you won’t be able to go to work until you can properly stand, and you’ll stay with Tobirama-”

“WHAT!?” demanded both Tobirama and Madara.

“It’s that or you stay here, you choose,” concluded the eldest of the Senju brothers with a beaming smile, completely ignoring his little brother’s glare and Madara’s growing irritation.

“Hashirama, I would have thought you would have asked for my input instead of offering me up to be his nurse!”

“Oh come on, you two already fuck each other, I see no harm in having you take care of Madara, right Izuna?” asked Hashirama to see Izuna being held by his head by Madara—who cover the younger Uchiha’s ears—Tobirama was blushing furiously and Madara looked ready to kill him with just his eyes.

“Niisan!” complained Izuna, as he freed himself from Madara’s choking hold, rubbing his neck to ease the throbbing, “I agree, just stay with Tobirama and you won’t get killed. I still don’t approve of your relationship with the Senju, but whatever, he makes you happy so why should I interfere with that?”

“Well,” said Hashirama loudly before either male could retaliate verbally, “it’s decided! Now let’s leave the two lovebirds alone, Izuna-kun our little brothers are waiting!” claimed Hashirama zealously as he grabbed a protesting Izuna by the neck and lead him out of the room.

“He’s dying in his sleep,” said Tobirama icily already thinking up his murder plan for Hashirama, he would apologize to Mito and his brothers later after the funeral.

“Oh please, juts let me get out of this bed and we can still catch up!” said Madara in angry embarrassment. Tobirama pinched the bridge of his nose, before looking up at Madara, who was still talking about the different ways Hashirama would die. He walked over closer to the bed and placed a hand on top of Madara’s, that made the other quiet instantly.

“You did give us a scare,” said Tobirama softly, as he met Madara’s black eyes. Madara stared back at Tobirama before breaking into a coy smirk,

“I’m not about to die anytime soon Senju, stop worrying so much,” and though he said this, Madara turned his hand so that he could hold Tobirama’s hand in his own and give it a reassuring squeeze. Tobirama eyed him, and shook his head before giving him a small smile of his own.

“Come on; let’s get you out of here.”

“Thank god! I fucking hate this place; the smell is too strong for me”

“Sensitive much?”

“Hn.”

 

 

Months after that accident, Madara was back to work again, doing his daily civilian duties—glaring over his shoulder at whomever stared too long at Tobirama’s ass, and making Hashirama’s life as impossible and insufferable as possible (even if Tobirama ended up making _his_ own life miserable)—his younger brothers are normally creating havoc back home, and he’s just grateful that he doesn’t have to go back to that hideous place people call _hospital_. However he still couldn’t shake that sudden appearance he had back when he was just floating in darkness, and he could feel the eyes of whatever it was, boring into him. He shivered lightly at the thought and decided to push the ordeal aside for the time being.

 

“Your place? Ah, Hashirama’s? Fine, I guess…yeah I’ll let them know. Fine, yes, yes, alright…yes…mhm, yes I will. Okay, yes, bye,” Madara hanged up with a sigh as he continued walking down the street, stepping aside for the reckless teen that zoomed past him on his skate board, jogging a little to make it to the sidewalk before the stop light turned from yellow to red.

He still can’t believe Hashirama doesn’t take the hint from his brothers, all of them, fully grown and out of the house they used to live in, they all encourage him to take Mito out on dates, and always invite her for anything the Senju brothers plan…and yet the oaf can’t seem to ask Mito to move in with him (although Mito herself doesn’t look in too much of a hurry to remind Hashirama about the steps of being a good fiancé). So, in order to see his little brothers again plus fiancé, the overly excitable male decided to do a get together. And by default and close relationship with both older Senju brothers, Madara gets stuck with going to that _get together_ ; of course that he is not going to suffer alone, if he goes so do his own little brothers—and Hashirama won’t mind either.

 Madara neared the site of his last accident stopping by the third stop light of that day and observed the pole he had become rather too closely acquainted with; the dent made on the pole is still there and it didn’t seem like it would be fixed anytime soon. Whatever, it’s not like he cares anymore; all he’s worried about is the damn hospital bill. Madara crossed the street safely, continued walking and debated whether to take a different route or just walk by the construction site. Deciding that making the detour wasn’t worth it, Madara continued down the construction site, following a few people. What he didn’t see coming this time around was the falling poles.

Well, at least now he knows what it feels to have a fifteen meter pole land right on his shoulder, followed by the rest of the poles that completely slammed him against the ground.

 

He found himself in that floating darkness again, and he felt the presence again, but just as he was about to turn he was greeted by the bright white lights of the hospital.

Not too long had passed after he exited the hospital for the second time (and he definitely took a different route back home) when he missed a step from the staircase in his apartment building, and see Madara would have survived that just fine, he wouldn’t have needed to go back to the hospital if at that moment the two U-Haul workers weren’t passing through with a huge glass panel. He cursed as he once again found his body floating in the cold place and just as it had happened before, he felt the warm essence, and he tried, Madara really tried to be quick, but just as he was about to see who the hell dared to stand behind his back, he was met with the same sterilized smell and the doctor’s voice.

 

 

Madara Uchiha officially has the worst luck of everyone in his family. Some say its karma, Kiji says it’s atonement for the many times he forced them onto something (even though it was all for their own good!), Masaru and Akio joke it’s his way to defy societal norms, Tobirama and Izuna just didn’t know what to think, and Hashirama tried to stay positive for all of their sanities. Now Izuna would follow him like the moon, no matter where he went and for what, Izuna would follow him, and Tobirama was just as bad (not to mention the incessant squabbles he is subject to when the younger three of his brother visit at the hospital). The doctors and nurses already knew him, and had even started to anticipate his arrival the moment he would exit the hospital— one of the nurses literally followed after him to make sure he didn’t get run over on the parking lot, the _parking lot!_ —and he isn’t trivializing when he says that they even allocated a room just for him.

“What the fuck,” muttered Madara as he made his way to Tobirama’s apartment, good thing the other lives in the first floor, if not God knows what would happen to him. Knocking on the door, he waited for a few minutes before Tobirama opened the door and looked genuinely surprised to see him…in one piece, yeah at this point even he was surprised he made it this far. Tobirama stepped aside and let Madara in, serving them tea and just talking to each other.

“I don’t think my paycheck can handle another hospital bill,” said Madara clearly long suffering.

“I don’t think I can handle you and your near death experience, maybe I should start to accompany you to work?”

“No, Tobirama. We have talked about this, I can take care-”

“Clearly you can’t since you have been hospitalized five times already! In just a few months! Not even a year, Madara please,” said Tobirama exasperated, he was afraid that after all this near death experiences the Gods might not be so forgiving of letting Madara go back with the living. Madara sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, counting to ten and taking deep breaths.

“Tobirama,” he started, reaching with his hand to take a hold of the white haired male’s, “I know you all are worried, but I will be fine. I won’t die, not yet.” He reassured.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Just a feeling.”

“Just a feeling…just a feeling?” and before Tobirama could start chiding him, Madara pulled the other for a heated kiss.

 

 

Christmas time, the best time of the year, everyone is merry and jolly, enjoying a significant other’s company or just basking in the Christmas feeling with the family. Madara’s birthday also happened to be right on Christmas Eve, he never really thought anything especial about it, but he enjoyed the extra attention, especially from _his_ significant other.

Except…he really wasn’t enjoying his birthday because he was once again in the hospital, hearing and feeling as the doctors tried to save his life for the 100th time this year! And god damn it, today will be the day he finds out who the fuck is behind him while he awaits the white light of the hospital.

The moment Madara feels the essence; he turns around and was really taken aback when he wasn’t opening his eyes to see his doctor. Instead, he laid his eyes on a certain tall, fair skin, blue eyed, blond male. The essence felt warm and gentle, the other took a step forward and Madara couldn’t help the involuntary step back he took.

“Ah! Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself didn’t I?” said the blonde with a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his head as he said so.

“My name…well you can call me Minato, I’m the _Death_ God or so mortals call me, even though I’m just the ruler of the Underworld, but if I start to tell you about who really is the Death God then I would have to get into a lot of history and politics, very boring and unimportant at the moment. Tell me, how are you Madara?”

Madara just blinked at the other in bewilderment, silently praying that this was just a hallucination caused by the anesthesia. The blond male, took another step forward and continued walking towards him until he was just a few inches away from him. The warmth of the other engulfed Madara and he shivered at the sudden change of temperature, he felt a cloth be place upon his shoulder, he looked at it to see that it was the other’s black robe and damn it smells nice.

He was brought from his musings by the gentle hand that was placed on his cheek, to make him turn and face the other guy.

“Wait, what?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re the Death God!?” exclaimed Madara, pointing a finger at the blue eyed male, and making some distance between them.

“Yes, I believe that is what I said to make things simpler, and you? What do you do Madara?”

“What do I- Don’t screw with me! Just what the fuck is going on? Why do I keep on have all this near death experiences!? Are you the one behind this?”

“Eh…well…kind of?” said Minato unsurely, and as he inspected the other male up close Minato had to admit that Madara looks hotter in person than through his little crystal ball.

“Okay…okay…okay. Let me back track,” said Madara slowly, trying to process the information faster so he could get out of there as soon as possible, “You’re saying that you are the reason why my wallet and bank account are going straight to the darkest pits of hell!!?”

“Oh really!?” asked Minato, genuinely concerned about the Uchiha’s wallet and bank account, “I’ll send one of the fates to look for it! Don’t worry we’ll find your things soon!” he reassured with a huge smile. Madara ran both hands over his face, he couldn’t believe this.

“It’s just a dream, this is just a dream,” he muttered to himself.

“No it’s not! I’m as real as I can get, and you are in Limbo,” informed Minato happily. Madara glared at the blue eyed “ _God_ ” growling slightly.

“So why? Why go through the trouble of nearly killing me just so you can come and disappear before I get to see your face?” asked Madara demandingly, dark eyes fixing on the nice smelling male before him.

At that Minato flushed slightly, tripping over his words to articulate an appropriate answer for the black haired male. Madara deadpanned at the blond male, watching the other’s flustered face and the way he was nervously glancing at him, before covering his face with both hands.

“Death God…and he’s-” Madara’s eyes widened in realization as he connected the pieces together, since the other didn’t seem to be coming anywhere near articulating anything coherent. All he could think of was just how _lucky_ he was to attract the attention of a God, a God that needs to almost kill him in order to be able to see him in person…yeah real _lucky_.

“Say…you wouldn’t be wishing to see me because…” he watched as Minato glanced over at him, before going back to his fidgeting.

“Yes! How did you figure it out?” asked Minato with feign cluelessness.

“…you can’t be serious…”

“Oh! Time is up! I’ll see you in New Years!” called Minato cheerfully, but before Madara could protest he was opening his eyes to meet the hazel eyes of the nurse.

“Doctor! Doctor! He has awakened!!” called the nurse as she rushed to find the doctor. Madara couldn’t stop thinking about the blond male, _Minato_ , if his memory didn’t fail him after so many near death experiences.

 

To say the least, Madara spent his whole New Year’s Day in Tobirama’s house. He refused to accompany the Senju anywhere, knowing that whatever awaits him outside would surely try to claim his life, and not today he isn’t going along with it today. Tobirama came out of the restroom, freshly bathed, and sighed as he came into his room to find a mound of sheets, and a mess of black hair splayed out at the end of the sheets.

“Madara, did you forget that Hashirama wants us to receive the New Year at his place?” he asked, as he toweled his hair.

“I told you…I’m not going out,” came Madara’s muffled reply. Tobirama frowned, approaching the bed and yanking the sheets away from Madara, who didn’t even twitch at having the covers off him.

“Nothing will happen, I’ll drive and I’ll take the emptiest route I can find to get to Hashirama,” started Tobirama, though he knew his attempt would fall into deaf ears. Madara had been acting weird since his birthday, Tobirama figured the other was just exhausted from spending his time in the hospital, but this time Madara refused to leave home more than ever. The few times he managed to coax him out of the house was to pick up the mail, and that had been quite the argument on itself, however whenever he asked Madara for a reasonable explanation the other wouldn’t meet his eyes. At first he thought perhaps the Uchiha was cheating, so he bluntly asked him about, the other’s face was one of pure indignation and rage at the prospect of Tobirama’s thinking that he’d ever do such a thing, so after a heated make out session, Tobirama dropped the subject. Now, however, he just doesn’t know what else to think, it’s aggravating to say the least, he has enough with his brother’s drama to keep up with Madara’s.

“Madara,” threaten Tobirama from his spot. The pale man slowly sat up, bringing his knee up to his chest to prop his arm against it. He gave Tobirama a tired look, before sighing and rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

“Okay…if I tell you…just listen. Okay? Don’t interrupt, just listen,” said Madara in an even voice. Tobirama made an agreeing sound and Madara proceeded to explain everything he had encounter with his near death experiences, by the end of it Tobirama was starting to question whether Madara had finally hit his head too hard—given his hospital history he wouldn’t be surprised.

“Madara…this is hardly believable,” stated Tobirama flatly.

“I figured…but it’s true…” muttered Madara, standing up and grabbing a pair of clothes and a towel, and without any other explanation he walked into the restroom, deciding to humor his lover and go with him.

 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you about it though,” said Madara as he got into the passenger’s side of the car. Tobirama snorted and rolled his eyes at Madara’s words, how could the other be so sure?

 

True to the prophesied, Madara ended up in the hospital once again for New Years. At least Tobirama wasn’t hurt, so he felt at ease when he felt his body floating through the now familiar darkness. He felt the sunny essence and he turned to scowl at the smiling blond male.

“You damn bastard” said Madara quietly seething, he needed to vent and right now the Death God was the closest thing he had. Minato gave Madara a perplexed look.

“This is too troublesome! I can’t just live to pay up the bills you have been causing, I have been missing out on a lot of important things, and I wouldn’t be surprised if my job decided to kick me out for the absences! Just for how long do you plan to do this!?” shouted Madara in exasperation as he glared at the blond man who wore a stoic face throughout the whole rant.

“Well!? Say something!” demanded Madara.

“…I’m so sorry I have caused you so much trouble…I can’t find any other way, sorry…but, I’ll make it up to you!” said Minato instantly adopting a pleading look that resembled a certain someone’s. He fought back the urge to roll his eyes at the expression, for a Death God he sure took his job far too carelessly.

“No, I have had enough! I don’t want this and I have a partner already! Can’t you understand that? Just why!? Why me!?” asked Madara vexed.

“Because,” started Minato with the most charming look he could ever have “Madara you are one of the most beautiful mortals I have ever laid eyes on,” he stated bluntly and without stuttering at all this time. Madara felt his face heat up in embarrassment, and decided to glare at the smiling blond.

“As for your partner,” started Minato with a sheepish smile, “he’s quite lovely himself. You don’t see that many mortals with such striking beauty.” Madara gawked at the blonde male, not only did the goon compliment him; he also had the decency to eye Tobirama.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Ah, I’ll see your memories!” declared Minato and without waiting for much of a response he placed a cold hand against Madara’s forehead. Minato hummed, and nodded as he went through some of the memories, raising a brow at the more explicit ones and laughing at the ones he had started to be the cause of, finally satisfied he let go of Madara.

“I see…”

“You see what?”

“I- would you look at that!? Time is up!” called Minato and waved as he watched Madara’s spirit disappear from the place.

“Maybe I should redesign to welcome my new guest!” said Minato cheerfully going back to his own plane and calling out the Fates.

“Hello! Hello! Calling out the Fates!” called Minato as he entered his huge castle. Two rivers encircled the castle before disappearing in opposite directions, one led to the Underworld’s deepest pits for the unforgiveable crimes he deemed and the other one led to the gates of the Underworld, where the eight headed dog would eat those souls that _happened_ to wander through that route. Another, much lighter and brighter, flow floating in the air, wrapped loosely around the castle’s frame, this flow is made up of the souls that deserved to enter _heaven_ or reincarnation for a second chance to live, and is  the source of light in his dark dominion.

He came into his throne room, to see the three immortal beings do their despicable job, really he used to enjoy his time when they were out deciding people’s fates, now they just stayed in the underworld, right next to his throne—yeah pretty supervised by them.

“How are my three favorite people in the whole Underworld?” asked Minato cheerily.

“Lord Minato, just spit it out, what do you want?” asked Kakashi incredulously from his spot as he spun a bloody red thread roll. He wore a black mask to cover half of his face, leaving a scarred eye and his other eye out in the open, a black robe that stopped above his ankles, secured in place with a golden rope at his waist, and his silver hair slanted to one side a great contrast with his current location and job.

“What do I want? Can’t I just greet my companions?” asked Minato with feigned hurt.

“I guess, it’s not like we have been right next to you for the past millennia,” said a brown haired girl sarcastically, snapping her scissors over a thread, extending her hand to receive a new one.

“And probably the next ones to come,” finished a short haired male, much paler than the one with the mask.

“…Okay fine, you got a point. I was just wondering-”

 “We are _NOT_ adjusting anyone’s fate, Lord Minato,” said the brown haired girl—Rin—sternly eyes glued to the thread she was being passed by Obito, she wore similar attire as Kakashi, minus the mask.

Minato sputtered before regaining his composure and calmly said, “May I speak with someone less aggressive?”

“No.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you’re the only ones who aren’t _DEAD_. And this is _NOT_ about anyone’s fate, I was just wondering whether you’d help me out with something.”

“We are the Fates, not Room Service,” complained Obito, he looked up to see the Ruler of the Underworld pout in their direction, he rolled his eyes with a small smile before continuing his measuring of thread, which now had a soft pastel pink and blue color to it. Obito sported the same black robe and was also bared foot like Rin and Kakashi. They may be young looking, pretty much like preteens, however they had been chosen for this task by the forces and natural spirit energy of Gaia, born as primordial deities: they took their job seriously. Kakashi spun a mortal’s (and a God’s) thread of life, Obito measured the longitude of said life, and Rin ever so stoic, cuts the thread without much hesitation(they have also decided to leave to her the way a mortal and a God/Goddess dies since she gets quite creative with them).

Rin enjoys cutting the mortal’s threads of life, since they all had so many beautiful colors, finely weaved into a single thread, a God’s thread of life was much simpler and blunt, with a gold color to depict it. Their job used to be feared, when humans still worshipped the Gods and Goddesses, when they still believed that Oracles were genuinely people who communicated with the deities, when they were revered and respected for deciding the life and destiny of a newborn, when they were welcomed into homes on the seventh day of a newborn’s life to decide its fate and how long it would live. Now, however, the modern world completely forgot about their existence, choosing to work in a world created by their own subjective realities than to believe in deities that control their fates and the world they live in. What they don’t realize is that as long as death and life exists, The Fates and the chthonic shall continue to live challenging the boundaries of Kronos—of course that this piece of information is useless to the mortals who only believe in the power of money.

 Aside from the lack of worshippers, they love their job, it entertains them, and seeing the many different colors that make up a single life is always wondrous, but they love their Ruler even more. He may be at their mercy, not even the Gods and Goddesses can escape them, but he brought new experiences with him from the mortal world and shared it with them, that is the main reason why they allowed him to even talk to them while they were busy working.

However, they learned far too late, that these _experiences_ usually come with a price. This turned out to be the sudden episodes their beloved Lord went through when he became infatuated with a mortal. They did their best to keep him away from the living world, but he always had too much time in his hands and could easily slip away from the dark realm to bring in a poor soul into Limbo—when they had clearly told him that _that_ particular mortal cannot die yet, because that is not what they decided. It also didn’t help that the Queen of the Underworld usually spends her time who knows where and why.

“I know, I know! But I promise this will be the last favor I ask you three for the rest of the century!”

“You swear?” asked Rin without looking up from the thread, snapping her scissors down on it, already deciding that at that point this particular life would end.

“I swear!”

“Swear your oath on the Naka river,” said Kakashi without missing a beat, making Minato’s smile fall.

“Do I-”

“YES!” the three shouted at the Death God, who only groaned in defeat. Raising his hand, he took a deep breath and chanted his oath. Once he was done, he watched as the three Fates placed the current thread they were working on, and walked over to him. Rin beamed at him, Obito crossed his arms and gave him a coy smile, while Kakashi just grinned mockingly—they had gotten their way this time.

“You three are merciless!” moaned Minato in anguish.

“Oh my, hearing this from the Ruler of the most eerily and dark place, himself, is quite the praise, thank you,” said Kakashi flatly.

“Yeah, it kind of comes included in the package of being a Fate,” commented Rin cheerfully, taking the Dead’s God hand and leading him back to his throne.

“Well, what is our job?” asked Obito once they had settled— and sadly for the mortals there would be quite a bit of miscarriages—Minato proceeded to explain what he wanted in Limbo, with some more complaining about their unfairness (which only earned him gleeful smiles from the Fates).

“Got it, we’ll have this done in a two days Lord Minato,” said Rin with a bow, her two male companions following suit and exiting to do their task.

“Ah~ They are going to be the end of me,” said Minato as he slumped against his throne, blue eyes boring into the ceiling above him, a small smile widening as he thought about his upcoming plans, “…well, at least I’ll have something fun to do afterwards.”

 

 

Madara and Tobirama had spent most of the first week of the new year without any more accidents. Madara was starting to think that maybe the Death God had finally decided to give up and just let him lead a normal human life, he felt relieved but at the same time he couldn’t shake this feeling that something else was coming his way.

So of course it had to be a day he went out with Tobirama, it didn’t come to a surprise when he found himself in darkness, what he did find surprising was that Minato led him into a much brighter space. His jaw dropped when he saw Tobirama sitting down in one of the couches of the small cozy room Minato had brought him into. Tobirama looked up, eyes widening in surprise at the appearance of the other male and all he could say was:

“You weren’t lying.”

“Of course I wasn’t!” he retorted back before backtracking, “Wait, Minato! What’s the meaning of this!?

“Eh? Is this place not to your liking? I figured that books and a nice place to have tea in would make it more welcoming, was I wrong?”

“That’s not- No! Minato why is Tobirama here!?” he shouted appalled.

“Ah, well that’s because he is almost dying by your side…?” said Minato uncertainly, closing his eyes as the Uchiha started to shout at him, he opened them to see Tobirama restraining the other male.

“So you’re the reason why Madara has spent half a year in and out of the hospital?” inquired Tobirama, raising a brow as he took in the person before him. Blond hair, blue eyes, and a plain black robe that made up anything but the appearance of the Death God that Tobirama had in mind.

“Yes! …Aw~ aren’t you two the sweetest looking things?” cooed Minato, which made Madara rage even more.

“Let me go! Tobirama let me go! I’m going to kill him!”

“Don’t be silly, I’m the one who’s doing the killing not you!”

“Shut up! Tobirama let me go!”

“Fine,” said Tobirama, and without warning he let go of Madara, causing the other to tumble forward. Minato, quick on his feet, caught the other male in an embrace. Madara choked at the nice scent the other was emitting, feeling blood rush to his face he violently pushed away from the other male.

“W-what! Stop! Just stop! Send us back!” shouted Madara in a mix of embarrassment and anger.

 “Only if you two accept my proposal,” said Minato teasingly.

“Proposal?” inquired Tobirama.

“Yes! But first lets have some tea!” he announced, clapping his hands. Two ghostly figures came in, one holding the tea and the other holding the snacks on the trays.

Tobirama sighed because he just couldn’t believe this was happening to him. He watched as the ghastly figures served their tea, and placed muffins in front of them. He eyed the cup, not wanting to try anything (he has read enough mythology to know that if they tried anything they might be bound to stay here forever, though he wasn’t too sure how it might work in this case). Madara too didn’t touch his drink or muffin, Minato noticed their discomfort and smiled calmly.

“Don’t worry; you won’t be forced to stay in the Underworld if you eat anything. I already did that for my _wife_!” stated Minato.

“Then, if you have a wife, why are you bringing Madara here?” asked Tobirama, raising a brow at the other’s sudden coy smile.

“Because I like you both, you’re lovely mortals, rather feisty and I like it, but in order to do that you have to die…No, wait, no!” exclaimed Minato, flailing as he stood up to grab Tobirama and Madara by their arms as they attempted to leave the moment he brought up _death_.

“No, I can’t kill you now, because the Fates didn’t decide for you two to die too young,” he explained with a small pout.

“Then?”

“The only times I’ll be able to see you are in Limbo (which is here)… _or_ if my wife lets me visit the mortal world.”

“Then why haven’t you done that instead!?” said Madara exasperatedly throwing his arms up in the air.

“She’ll be angry with me if I do…say, do you not also have another lovely female mortal with you?” asked Minato hopefully.

“No there isn’t” deadpanned Madara, snatching his arm out of the God’s grasp. Tobirama did the same but with much more calmness and respect—he’s a God might as well give him the respect he deserves regardless how he acts or looks like.

“Eeeeh? Really what about the red haired woman?”

“Mito?” asked Tobirama, shooting Madara a look, who only shrugged.

“Don’t worry I saw her in his memories, but she’s married right?”

“She is engaged, to my idiot brother. Don’t even bring it up to her…she might actually consider dating a Death Goddess…” said Tobirama, grimacing slightly at Mito’s antics, because he just _knows_ she will accept the offer—either to mess around with Hashirama or to give him updates on her dual love life, either one is just as bad.

“Pity, I guess I’ll look for another woman Kushina might find interesting,” said Minato with a huff, internally he was mirthfully laughing knowing perfectly well that Mito had yet to tell her _fiancé_ about _her_ little secret.

“Kushina?”

“My wife’s name, see the thing with her is…we aren’t really husband and wife. I only made her eat some food in the Underworld because I thought one of the Fates needed a female companion to chat with. Turns out she didn’t and I couldn’t undo the whole deal, so she’s forced to stay here with me,” said Minato with a small grimace.

“Oh wow, how noble of you,” came Madara’s reply, dripping with sarcasm.

Minato frowned at the other’s tone and replied with feign zeal, “Just because the Fates haven’t decided you can’t die yet, doesn’t mean I can’t send the Furies after you, Madara dearest!”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh I certainly would!”

“Enough both of you.” Said Tobirama sternly, which had the latter two males glaring at each other, though Minato’s glared rather resembled a daring amused look.

“So your wife…” trailed Tobirama.

 “Right! She has gotten used to this place, she even made friends with Mikoto, they’re both fine, but don’t leave them together with Rin cause they get mean ideas and they play them on me! That and she likes to boss me around…”said Minato dejectedly, “But that’s why I want to meet with you two, you both seem to be quite lively,” continued Minato, instantly brightening up.

“No.” said Madara right away, “We’re not staying here, and stop trying to kill us.”

“I told you I can’t do that because the Fates decided otherwise,” said Minato exasperatedly.

“Just stop bringing us to this place!”

“But-”

“No!”

“Maybe we can compromise,” said Tobirama offhandedly, eyeing Minato.

“What!?”

“Yes!”

“WHAT!?” cried out Madara again in disbelief, “Are you hearing yourself? Tobirama we can’t keep coming back here!”

“That’s why we should compromise.”

“I’m listening,” said Minato with a smile, levitating to lay of his stomach mid-air and lace his fingers together to rest his chin on. Madara looked helpless, and threw up his hands in defeat.

“Do what you two want, I don’t care anymore,” he said, pushing the levitating male out of the way to go sit and glare at the wall. Minato flailed as he tried to regain stability.

“Perhaps we can speak to your wife? That way _you_ are the one to visit Madara in the mortal world,” explained Tobirama, at his words Madara’s head shot up.

“Why are you so okay with him hitting on me!?”

“Because maybe someone else can get your head out of whatever cloud you seemed to be on,” said Tobirama flatly.

“Traitor.”

“It’s for your own good.”

“Well, if that’s how you put it, then I wouldn’t mind. I’ll accompany you to speak with my wife! Come, follow- Wait, never mind, I’ll have to bring Kushina here. Just stay here and don’t try to actually live,” said Minato, as he landed on his feet and exited the room.

Soon Minato came back with a tall slender woman; she had luscious long red hair, and sharp violet eyes. She eyed them warily, a frown marring her soft features. She sported a sleeveless, flowing, black dress; her arms were adorned by the matching black middle-finger-loop arm warmers that reached up to her elbows, also a very contrasting color given her paleness and fiery red hair.

“And these are the current mortals you have become so enamored with?” asked Kushina, rising a brow at her _husband_. Minato sheepishly nodded, highly flustered which made her deadpan even more.

“If,” started Kushina, turning her attention to the two males before, she had to admit they weren’t bad looking, but then again Minato really had good tastes—that or he was instantly attracted by queer people, and she is including herself in this list, even she knows of her own weird quirks that gained her the affections of the Death God and quite the troublesome _love_ this one is—“I agree to let Minato go into the mortal world…what’s in it for me dattebane?” she asked, fixing Tobirama with a bored stare.

“What’s in it for you?” retorted Madara, “What do you mean? We don’t actually want him up there!” said Madara exasperatedly. This caused Minato frown at the other’s words, looking down at his feet dejectedly. Noticing this Kushina quickly took Minato’s hands and glared at Madara.

“How dare you hurt his pretty little feelings? You should feel lucky he even pays attention to you dattebane!” chided Kushina.

“ _I_ have a partner already, see!” said Madara as he grabbed Tobirama’s arm, the other glared before snatching his arm away from the other’s grasp.

“An…affair...?” said Kushina

“No!”

“I’m so sorry for you,” said Kushina to Tobirama with so much sympathy that it made Tobirama smile.

“It’s gotten interesting,” was Tobirama’s modest response, the Queen of the Underworld smile, eyes twinkling.

“I like this one,” she told Minato gleefully, “not that one,” she finished, pointed at Madara who scowled at her.

“No, you got it wrong Kushina,” said Minato, instantly perking up, this time he smiled widely at his two mortals, “I _love_ them both! They’re too pretty for their own good!”

“What!?” demanded Madara and Tobirama

“Minato…kinky dattebane,” was all Kushina said, instantly stepping away from the blond male, the other blinked at her in confusion before speaking up.

“Oh, you’d be surprised if you knew what those two did,” said Minato making a face at the thought of it.

“Can you just shut up!?” shouted Madara in anger.

“Ah. Sorry that’s supposed to be secret huh? Sorry, sorry,” apologized Minato freely.

“Fine, fine by me under the condition that I come along with you dattebane!” dictated Kushina. Tobirama easily agreed and Madara protested against it, but Kushina really didn’t need much convincing to go along with Minato’s antics.

She had previously banned the blond male from visiting the Upper World because of their last quarrel which involved a certain eight headed dog and poop on the yard, at this point however even she has become extremely bored of being in the Underworld. The only times she’s allowed to go back to the Heavens where Mito and the rest of the pantheon resided, was during what mortals call early Spring and Summer, going back by Fall and staying with Minato until Winter. Sometimes she did feel bad for leaving the Death God behind for the Spring and Summer, their relationship has grown over the decades and she knows that Minato really couldn’t do much about being bound to the Underworld, when he could he would visit the Heavens but he spends his time in the Underworld, checking on the dead and often times doing nothing much until a problem arose.

That’s when she’s also reminded that although he seems bored and would prefer to be messing around with the mortals, Minato still had a cold streak in him that made him fit to rule the Underworld; and if trying to kill your favorite mortal wasn’t irking enough than Kushina didn’t know what to make of Minato. Nevertheless, she tries to make things a little more fun around the gloomy place, the other chthonic deities don’t seemed bothered by it but they aren’t as enthusiastic as she would like them to be, except for a few she could perfectly name.

“Let’s get ready to depart dattebane!” she said dragging a protesting Minato with her, claiming to want to stay with Tobirama and Madara longer, but seeing that the red head wasn’t going to be any lenient, Minato shouted over his shoulder,

“I’ll see you soon! You can go now!”

And just like that Madara and Tobirama, though in separate rooms, opened their eyes to the blinding white lights of the hospital. Madara was used to this so when he looked over at one of the nurses he asked when he was going to be let out of the hospital. Tobirama on the other hand felt irritable with all the _care_ he is supposed to be receiving, and his brother’s nagging wasn’t making it any better. Now he understands Madara’s dislike for hospitals.

 

 

A week after their fateful encounter with Death, both had just exited from work and were currently in Madara’s apartment having an early dinner before heading out to buy groceries. They were interrupted by the sudden knocking,

“Were you expecting someone?”

“No…”

Standing up Madara went over to look into the peeping hole to see who was visiting him; he made a strangled noise as he pushed away from the door. Tobirama came into the living room and found the other standing a few steps away from the door.

“Madara?” Madara made noises, flailing his arms and pointing to the door, Tobirama frowned realizing he wouldn’t be able to hear a coherent answer from his lover; he went to check it out himself when the knocking started again. Seeing through the peeping hole, Tobirama saw a _very_ familiar head of blond hair and beside it stood the fiery red head—and last time he checked Madara didn’t have any blond friends—without much hesitation or checking to see if Madara was breathing right, he opened the door and was met by the beaming smile of King of the Underworld Minato and the scowl of his “wife” Spring Goddess Kushina.

“So this is where you two were!” cheered Minato, clasping his hands together.

“Do you have any idea how confusing this place can be, dattebane? We thought this building was all to yourselves, so we had to knock on the first doors we found!”

“But since you didn’t live there, we asked whether they knew about any of you.”

“And led us here dattebane!”

“Quite the adventure you two had,” said Tobirama with an unimpressed look, stepping aside to allow both immortals to come in, Madara instantly reacted.

“Oh no! No, no, no, no! I refuse to have you two in here!”

“Aw, why? I came to visit as promised! I won’t try to kill you again!” protested Minato, avoiding Madara’s hands just in time to hide behind Kushina. Kushina stood her ground, glaring at Madara, Madara returned the gesture tenfold.

“No? When was the last time that having immortal beings wasn’t any good, dattebane!?” exclaimed Kushina as she placed her hands on her hips. Minato took a step back from the red haired Goddess, standing next to Tobirama and holding onto him instead.

“If we make a run for it, we can still avoid getting caught by her rage,” whispered Minato to Tobirama, who only gave him a surprised look, he eyed the glaring duo, before deciding that he really didn’t want to know whatever the Goddess was planning to carry out.

“We’ll leave. I just ask of you to not kill Madara,” said Tobirama, making his way out the door followed by Minato.

“How many times do I-”

“Yes, yes, Fates didn’t decide for Madara to die just yet. Come on, let’s show you around the city so you won’t be knocking on people’s doors,” said Tobirama as he grabbed his keys, put on his shoes and walked out of the apartment.

“You took all this rather nicely,” started Minato as he jogged to catch up to the white haired male.

“One of the many skills you acquire when you live with Madara and my brothers,” he said simply. Minato laughed at that and continued chatting with Tobirama, so far they both seemed to get along just fine. 

When Minato and Tobirama came back to Madara’s apartment, Madara and Kushina were sitting down in the living room playing cards.

“What?” said Minato clearly confused. Kushina looked up from her spot and motioned for them to join them, she also wasn’t wearing her usual attire, and instead she wore shorts and a plain aqua shirt with tennis shoes, her fiery head tied up in a high ponytail, letting two long strands of hair frame her face.

“We came to an agreement, dattebane!”

“Now can we just forget about the past and try to enjoy each other’s company, without any reproaches or explanations?”

“But-”

“Minato, let’s play dattebane!” Minato and Tobirama looked at each other. Minato seemed thoughtful for a few moments before he beamed at Tobirama and grabbed his hand to lead them to sit with Madara and Kushina. Perhaps it had been sheer luck, or Fate—or Fates as Minato chided that they existed and have been doing their work since their existence—that they caught the eye of the Death God, but whatever may happen now can’t be too bad, can it?

“Now, I need to meet my in-laws!!” said Minato cheerily, standing up from his spot and heading for the door. Madara and Tobirama stood up and lunged to stop the Death God—okay maybe they should be a little more careful until they figure out what to do with their new addition and the hideous clothes he wears.

FIN.


End file.
